Thursday 30 January 2003

just dont mention the cricket

Another tour of despicable cricket has seen England exceed past performances and conjoured up the miracle of playing like they were the Tanning Village school team. Im ashamed to be British at the moment, and saddened when I hear that Brighton is falling apart; Fat Boy has lost his thin girl and the West Pier now has the first underwater Candy floss stall. Blair is still Bush's bitch and Saddam is hiding all his anthrax, missiles, Imperial Guard and lightsabre in his moustache. Sharon is going to bring peace to Israel in a second term, by waging war, and I only feel a little sadness about the Bee Gee's although I can only wish there would have been a better way to stop their music.

The swell is poor so Im not catching many waves, but then I'm working so much at the moment that its hard to do much else. We did pop over to Bondi to see Blake and Lisa, where I showed Blake my prowess with a surfboard, by slicing his leg open as my board rode over him. The weather was good and it has been quite changable lately. For instance, yesterday was only 25'C while temperatures in the suburbs of Sydney reached near 40'C and out west got to 44'C. Sea temperatures remain a chilly (compared to the superheated atmosphere ) 22'C.

Work is strange; I completed an employee survey today. Why they should want my opinion I dont know. I critisiced everything, from the supervisors management style to the lack of a sprinkling of cocoa powder on the machine made cappucino in the staff canteen. I take my employee surveys very seriously, and answering questions such as, "Do you feel that your uniform is suitable and stylish enough to perform your job?" I answer no. Today as temperatures reached the high thirties, the doormans top hat was made of 82% sweat,
10% skin, 7% bush fire dust and 1% felt. Our shirts became see-through with sweat, and Im sure this isnt the scene that a widower from Iowa isnt paying for when they book their cruise to Sydney.

While we are on cruises, Im staggered at how people can consider they have visited somewhere when they stop their for 3 days. Its akin to that list you keep as a boy about how far you got at the boys club disco; none of it actually means anything, and you are just going through the motions to clock up points, just to say you have been there. The majority of them American, who I incidentally project hate towards for allowing such a dicksplat as Bush into office, are convinced that seeing a city involves buying as much of it and shipping it home in your suitcase or camera film. They do have numerous and spacious luggage, that Im sure a few aboriginal people have been taken to the states. I was a part of this I must admit, as I heard the murmurings from the case and the vibrations of the digeridoo could be felt through the handle. Its curious, as so many nations can be considered blind to culture. I think the English find the eccentricities of English abroad very interesting, as well as the architecture and the way the culture is presented, while the japanese love having pictures of themselves at the famous landmarks, as they seem to revere these places they go to. While not appreciating the culture itself and certainly not experimenting with the local food, the Japanese adore and respect the place and people they visit. The Americans arrogance still goes unchecked. The US dollar is considered an acceptable tip, when they should really consider getting themselves some local currency, the way they dress suggests wealth and store cards for Gap and Pringle, ( the white or khaki shorts with blue polo neck, white knee length socks and trainers is really in this season says Versace), and the expectation that Australia is some sort of third world country as you cant get the superbowl live, cars are on the wrong side of the road and you cant get obese size polo shirts in the shops without an orange fluoro strip with Billabong or Ripcurl down the side.

I dont even know how the US managed to make it to WWII when there wasnt even the internet to help download a map and a useful information site detailing such things as local currencies and language for Europe and Asia. I spoke to one guy the other day and he kept saying he was a shnook. I have no idea what a shnook is, but it sounds nasty and I bet he has a record for it. He used Just for Men on a regular basis and said that people could see the Irish in him from the fire in his eyes. Personally, I saw the early stages of cataracts, but how do you break that to a shnook?

I have only a few weeks to find another job and I have been looking for more IT contract stuff. Id like to earn lots of money for working my brain hard rather than earning only a little money for working my body hard. It doesnt seem right as bodies wear out sooner and I do get the odd strain from the bag carrying malarky, but someone has decided that you can earn more for typing and thinking about computer things, rather than going, "yes sir, of course sir, do you need a luggage rack sir? how do you find the room sir? You must be tired sir. You are going to tip me aren't you sir?!".

I have been improving my mind with some crosswords and trying to read more. I find it hard when the 6am jetcat ride means that my eyes have not cleared of mucus and insects and i cant focus on a book, but lately I have finished a disappointing Dean Koontz, a mixed bag of sometimes disturbing sometimes dull short stories in 'The Devils Larder' and giggled my way through 'Sean and Davids Long Drive'. The pick of my new books is Schott's original Miscellany, which has such useful facts as the complete list of Bond films, with the Bond, villain, Bond girl and car, the curious fates of a number of burmese kings, the degrees of Freemasonry plus UK and US standard bed sizes. How useful is that! I had to buy it for the potential it has if ever I organise or participate in a proper pub quiz. Did you know that St. Sebastian is the patron saint of pin makers? "Worm and Sponge" is the 9th order in when firing a cannon in Nelson's Navy! Elks go in gangs while starlings group in murmurations, and John Cleese was the Rector of St Andrews in 1970. The second best book in the world, after my copy of 'High Frequency Circuit Design and Measurement' book signed by Jack Charlton.

Cathy has now found work in Manly; no city commute for her. A new restaurant has opened up on the beach front, having expanded from its origins in Bondi and Coogee. The boss sounds a rude fool, but Cathy brings free food home at the end of the night. Its far too spicy for her to eat, being mainly Thai curries, so I have to perservere and eat it myself. She took to complaining about what hard work it is, being on your feet for 6 or 7 hours a day. I sat there smug, having myself done that in the heat here at work for a while now. I have been working and she had complained that she wanted to 'do stuff' on my days off, when I would rather sleep in, surf, read books and chat with her over a cup of tea. Now she knows so well the pain of moving from a sedentary office job in an air-con office, to a slightly more physical job with customers that dont tip and often complain. Australians are by British standards rude, in that they actually say what they think of the food, rather than chewing through a mouthful of unswallowable gristle and exclaming that the food was wonderful. On the flipside, they dont flatter when the food is good.

I know that the dancers and crew for 'Riverdance' are staying at a certain hotel. Of course I could not possibly comment on where this hotel could be. Incidentally, one of the crew members is trying to get all the front desk and bellmen tickets for one on the leg twitching performances. Minus Michael Flatterly, as of course he is now 'Lord of the Dance'.

Cathy mentioned something today that had been on my mind but unwilling to say; living in Byron Bay is better than being in Sydney, especially when we both miss staying at Mike and Mel's house. I can imagine passing the time, surfing, eating nice food, and generally letting your mind expand, but I do wonder how I could make money in Byron. The idea of starting some sort of software company up there has sounded good in my head, but no doubt would look bad on paper. While I can think that plenty of people would like to move out of the major cities for a change of lifestyle and a new company or department. I'd like my own company, especially as I have seen how people can screw them up so easily.

Must stop typing for a while, head is burning from curry that Cathy brought home, and the booze that I used to put out the flames is slurring my typiong.

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