Aitutaki Church

Nearly got into a fight in a local bar last night. Brandon and myself went down to the Blue Nun, and got invited to join a table by some woman. The guy sat next to her got slightly agitated, tried to pull something out of his back pocket, and it was only a 6 foot 20 stone maori guy who slapped him and stopped him. We went on to Fletchers soon after that. Cant be going and upsetting the locals.

To make up for the beer last night, I went to church today. The singing is quite spectacular and is far more beautiful to hear than some of the dirges we call hymns. Again we stumbled across the free buffet in the Sunday School next door. It wasnt the only reason I went to church. Honest.

Cook Island Tourist Information Centre

After a lot of umming and ahhing I changed my flight and decided to stay another week here, but also go to the lagoon island of Aitutaki. I got picked up and went to Toms Cottage, after a small flight in an ickle plane. From the air the island is beautiful, with many motu (little islands) dotted along the edge of the reef.

I hired a scooter one day and found some of the standing stones (marae) on the island, and also climbed the highest peak on the island which affords some pretty splendid views of the entire lagoon. I went up a few days later as I had forgot the camera, like a prat.

I did make sure I had my camera when the Prime Minister of the Cook Islands, Robert Woonton came to open the Aitutaki tourist information centre. I even got to press flesh with the man, and he joked how you could meet your prime minister this easily back home. Im sure Blair wouldnt be opening a tourist centre on a pacific island for another. The best bit was after where a huge buffet with booze had been organised. Didnt need to cook that day, which is good as I was starting to get bored of tuna sandwiches and pasta.

Went for a dive one day, but I think the diving is better in Fiji; far more to see there.

A mixed crowd

The Cook Islands are a true tropical paradise with an interesting flavour of Maori culture. While the islands off Fiji were the beautiful ones, Rarotonga has white coral beaches all the way around the island, with a reef about 100 metres off the beach, leaving the entire coastline of 32km surrounded by amazing blue lagoon waters.

Im staying in a place called Backpackers International, about 10 minutes from the main town Avarua, and the beach is a short walk down the road. I had bumped into Dave who I met at Seashell in Fiji and an American girl, Amber. For the course of our adventure, we became Juicy, Rubber Lips and Amberlicious, but Im unsure why. It might have something to do with nicknames from school. I certainly didnt ask how Dave got to be called Juicy.

As even this, the largest island, is pretty small at 32km circumference, and me being lazy I hired a motorbike/scooter. Khaled will be dissapointed but only the really poor backpackers or scaredycats have mountainbikes. Its also one of the fastest bikes on the island, which I now realise to be excessive as the dogs here have a habit of throwing themselves out in front of you when they hear you coming. Im sure I have seen the dogs huddled in groups and timing their coordinated run across the street as I have come past.

I have finally purchased a snorkel, mask and rash vest. It makes snorkelling a little easier if you have your own stuff, and it is so worth while around here. I have seen shoals of trumpet fish, who are very curious and arent as timid as the unicorn fish. There are many Picasso Triggerfish here, which are some of my favourite, although I have realised they have some vicious teeth as you can hear them take bites out of the coral. I wont be waving my fingers at them any more. I also had a ray fly under me the other day; so graceful and elegant looking and it had a splashing gasping fool chasing after it, namely me.

Other gossip, a few of us gatecrashed a locals party we could hear from the hostel. Barry had tracked it down and we all followed, after Lyn had galvanised us into going. It was a fairly mixed crowd, with lots of college kids for a guys 21st birthday. He doesnt drink or smoke but had spent $1600 NZ on booze, which is about 500GBP. Well worth it, and I seem to remember the moon turned a rugby ball shape, due to the amount of Steinlager I drank. I got to meet a few interesting sorts; a few local gang members, the Cook Island PrimeMinister's daughter, and the largest Marijuana grower on the Island. It was a mixed crowd.

Since getting into the speed of things here and learning a little of Cook Island Maori's I have changed my flights to stay another week, and I am going to the island of Aitutaki. I met Kirsty, Anna and Anna who were staying at Vara's and they flew off the other day to this island. It sounds good and I have since heard other good reports. I want to extend my tan into the bottom end of the Dulux browns so don't want to go to wintery New Zealand just yet, or spend too long in expensive Tahiti, just for the sake of a bit of skin cancer.

Oh yes, bumped into some Swedes, and they think my "Nasta Odenplan" train announcement is funny. I had to say something in Swedish and after "Kan jag fa en ol tack" and "mosta kisa" (spell) the train announcement was all thats left. Oh well.

My brain is starting to free wheel from not having to do any work, and I built the largest card tower the world has ever seen, and have come up with the idea of staging the Actors Olympics. Im pretty convinced that after seeing Tom Hanks play ping-pong in Forrest Gump and Paul Newman play pool, there should be some even held for them. I leave you with the thought that I really have so much spare time on my hands that sometimes I just sit and giggle to myself. I have tried to do the cross island walk but the clouds have been stuck on the hills for the last day or so, but I have explored a few beaches, gone jetblasting at the airport, seen the Black rock which the locals believe is the physical gateway to the afterlife, and seen some truly amazing beaches and scenery.

I have tracked Scaramanger to an island atoll and will be reshuming undercover ops from there. Sho long Mish Moneypenny. until my next communication . . .

Kava nights, Suva days.

I had an interesting few days away from the Seashell resort. I went along the south part of the main Island Vitu Levu, towards the capital Suva, stopping off at Sigatoka, where a local girl took me round a few of the sites, including Tavuni hill fort, and ended up in the local pool hall for a couple of games.

Suva was pretty hardcore compared to the rest of the island; the street-traders are more ruthless, the litter worse, and the diversity of poverty more extreme. It was also far from peaceful, as the hostel where I was staying at was undergoing an extensive refurb, plus they had a hyperactive 4 year-old and a dog with paranoia, so sleeping was more of a luxury than a basic human right.

I was informed of a mugging that had happened a few days before, 100m away from the hostel, and on the morning I left, a restaurant was burnt down and a family stabbed to death in their beds. Apart from the museum and a very large market I thought it best to leave Suva and find somewhere better to sleep and relax.

After a 5 hour bus journey across roads of dubious quality, I arrived back at Seashell and the friendliness of the place hit me. Like Cheers, everyone knows your name, Rakesh the barman new I would want a Fiji Bitter with a straw, David the co-owner welcomed me back, Margaret seemed very happy to see me, and pleased I had heeded her warnings about the sword sellers in Suva. Rob was still kicking around Seashell after going to the Yasawas, and I managed to have a last drink with him. 'Its all good'.

I fly out to Rarotonga on Wednesday so another night of Kava and Fiji bitter and a giggle by the pool then Im out of Fiji. Its a good place, the locals are very friendly, and there is an interesting contrast between the Fijians and Indian Fijians. The Indian Fijians have a very serious work ethic and are very industrious, while the Fijians are more on Spanish time with their laid-back attitude. This does mean a discrepency generally between the wealth of the Fijians and the Fijian Indians. I was half expecting some sign of tension between the two groups but they will all readily admit that there isnt and everyone gets along fine.

The east side of the island is also generally wetter and more lush, with a lot more tropical jungle covering the craggy hills, while the west seems to have more rolling hills covered with sugarcane, tobacco and grasses.

Top places to visit in Fiji:- Seashell Surf and Dive near Momi Bay, The Beachouse near Korolevu, any of the Yasawas (reports have been good), Bequ for diving and of course go to Seashell if you fancy surfing the world famous Cloudbreak as they can sometimes get a slot on a saturday there, which is still cheaper than staying on Tavarua, the exclusive resort for Cloudbreak. BeachComber Island is meant to be a bit of a giggle with one dorm housing over 100 people and non stop parties.

First days in Fiji

What can I say?! Brighton seems a thousand miles away but then it is. I have started missing hot water, quality toilet paper and PG Tips but then when the air temperature is a minimum of 28'C and the sea temp isnt far off that then you dont miss it too much.

I spent the first 10 days or 2 weeks in a chilled resort south of Nadi (pron. Nandi) in a place near Mobi Bay (pron. Mombi) called Seashell Surf and Dive (pron. Seashell). After two days trying to adjust my brain to the searing heat and being 12 hours out in my body clock, I moved into a dorm and started an Open Water PADI course.

I seemed to take to it well and I didnt suffer from the Bends, Nitrogen Narcosis, vertigo, claustrophobia or plain insanity. The diving is fantastic and I've seen a huge variety of clown fish, trigger fish, anemonefish, plus exciting stuff like turtles, black and white tipped reef sharks, sea snakes, nurse sharks, jellyfish large and small, morey eels, and a huge range of hard coral, which is particularly good around Fiji. Might try and see if I can work in a surf shop in Oz when I get there, but after the last dive, my eyes got screwed when I hadnt equalised the pressure in my mask. My head was equalised, but my eyes turned a nasty colour. Serves me right for getting too into the turtle I had seen.

I have become mildly addicted to Kava, the local brew, which is a mixture of a ground root vegetable and water, and it has its own special ceremonial drinking ritual attached. The effects are generally sedative, with the main active ingredients being novocaine and other analgesics/anathetics. It tastes like shit though.

I have absorbed a huge amount of surfer slang as there are a lot of surfers here and they do love to talk about the sets they caught on the reef breaks here, which are particularly good when the swell is cool and the wind isnt making the waves crumble. The Quiksilver worldchamps were held just off the coast so most of the dooods here are pretty stoked with seeing some top rides. w...ers.

The local girls are ridiculously flirtatious and I have had a couple of uncles inviting me round to meet their daughters. If you dont hear from me again, then come to Fiji and bust me out of an arranged marriage.

I moved on from the surf doods, and went to the capital Suva; a messy sweaty humid hole of a place with clubs, widescreen TV and beggers. I'll try and watch the Denmark England game tonight in, of course, an Irish bar.

Big up to the people I have met so far. Rob looking for 'any danger', Kris flying the Finnish flag on his board dood (whaaats happenning), Sam (stop looking so smug), Lucy (see you in Oz), Susan (back to your bacterial cultures my dear) and Nancy (ebonics? whatever). I hope Paul finds peace and himself somewhere in the world. And I wont tell you about Sweetlips Laru, Bond has yet to complete the mission.

Im off to Rarotonga next, and no, I have no idea where it is. I heard from Anja that Big Trev and Maria have set up a veggie cafe in NZ, so guess where Im heading after.

In the meantime, my urgent stomach is telling me that I will be spending time in a darkened room, so moce (mothey) everybody. Pass me the toilet paper.